my Secret wish......

Make a wish*........& keep the faith!

People tell me that once i disclose my wishes, then they'll never come true....i can't help but feel this way....cos i realised that there are more people out there who knows what i'm wishing for now...this is so scary.....

i won't write a wish-list because i'm afraid that these stuff will never happen...Besides, there weren't even Santa Clauses around for heaven's sake. i'm not a kid anymore and i know reality hits hard at you when you least expect it......i have long got-over the notorious boogey-man and vege-monster my mom used to threaten me with when i refused to sleep or eat the broccoli on my plate. yet there's still one thing i believe strongly in.....WISHES*

i don't exactly know if they were ever true but i'd love to believe so..... i still continue to make 3 wishes every year on my birthday....and they do come true occassionally....

then there's this strange thing we call "dreams".....what's the difference between the two?
i'm not too sure either. but i certainly have my reservations when it comes to dreams....

Can you imagine when someone says to you "may all your dreams come true"? that's pretty evil to me.....what if you have had nightmares for the previous nights? or what if you dreamt that someone you know died?? these are all 'Toxic Dreams' man.....what an oxymoron......
dreams are supposed to be pleasant and are usually used for well-wishing....but you don't just dream nice stuff do you? what about the times where you dreamt of yourself being chased by some monsters you don't even know exist.....? and the dream that portrayed you failing your tests??? that's why my hair always stands on ends whenever someone said that to me....

Not that i'm a victim of incessant nightnmares ( the ratio of sweet dreams over nightmares are much higher), but none of mine ever occured in reality........
slowly, i realised, dreams are only images which i subconsciously create on my own...and it's proven......

wishes, to me, can be sinful as well.....sometimes when i get so irritated by some people i do secretly wish they were dead....so mean........yes, i know.....but it's like a reflex to me....that's just out of impulse.....haha.....i confess.....i do make truck-loads of 'Dangerous wishes'....what if i have the power to make them all come true? haha....then i'll make Bill gates give me all his inheritance!!!!! wahahaaa....then blah blah blah...but i won't wana take over the world....i'd rather ask for world peace.....hhahahaa....and there're the times when i wished i didn't make the choices i made, or if i owned the ability to buy time.....and the list goes on....

well, i'm a simple girl....i won't ask for much....i just hope that this secret wish of mine will come true.....and i'm definitely keeping the faith*

So, to all my beloved friends out there who're still full of hopes.....Hang-on! you'll never know when your turn will come...

muffyboy

Introducing...........MuffyBoy!!!!!! the Clean-shaven "long-coat" chihuahua!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Isn't he adorable......???? In the picture, that is.....(Muffyboy, aka the lil monster.....lol)

Muffy doesn't know where the camera is this time.......

Before......he looks like a girl with long coat....but the good thing is, he don't need to wear a shirt to keep himself warm unlike now.....hahaha

i can't bloody believe it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"i can't bloody believe it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I tell you......i'm so mad, so frustrated, so freakin' moodless now cos i missed Friday's Smallville episode!!!!! ARGHHHH...u noe i was so damn lookin forward to it cos i wanted to watch Lex Luthor on TV (yes i'm immature for now).... so i happily grabbed my Ruffles chips and sat on the sofa comfortably....and guess what's on tv????? EXTREME MAKEOVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (can you imagine the horror??!!)

So i screwed up the timing again and it's supposed to be at 8.30....FINE.....after a whole weeks' wait....extreme make over?!?!??!?! *PUI* my eyeballs nearly sprung out of their sockets..... no Lex Luthor nevermind....not even ONE cute guy or what....for record, there aren't even any decent looking fellas shown on tv.....so much for a stressed week....i see ugly and distorted ppl waiting to get their faces cut, which i think, didn't make much of an impression after all...ok sorry, not that i have anything against them or plastic surgery...i'm just tryna vent my frustrations on the stewpid programme..... oh c'mon, AT LEAST one tree hill????? nono, i won't even mind malcom in the middle.............

But i can see where this is getting....i have this real huge problem with time and dates since the june holidays...and i've been screwing up the sequence of events since then...very disorganised, very dysfunctional...yes, i'm Acutely disorientated....for one, i didn't even know what time was my first mid yr paper and i actually woke up at 5.45 in the morning and got changed for school...then i took out the timetable to double confirm....i was in total dismay, yet was quite relieved too...cos it says 12pm......then i called my friends to ask....and sure enuf, most of them were either sleeping or didn't even turn on their phones...ok great....i simply laughed it off and went back to sleep..am i THAT blurr? or am i just plain jaded............

AND that was not the end of it. A couple of more screwed-up things happened and i'm seriously concerned if i was that driven by stress....i get ppl reminding me about dates and timing these days and i actually feel kinda sorry for myself...if i can't even get the simplest of all things right...how am i supposed to achieve greater things??? and NO, i don't wana mess-up my A's....i'd rather be shot...

i just hope that in future i can safely adhere to my plans...at least until after my A's???

Anyways, maybe i should just forget about watching tV altogether to save myself from contemplating suicide everytime i missed my fav programmes...is it THAT serious? yes.(at least to me)

By right, i was supposed to abstain myself from tV already!!!! so maybe that was a hint that i shouldn't be watching tV anymore.....ok, i'll try hard.....but there're still a couple of MUST-SEEs like the CSI Finale, Project superstar (i have so much criticisms for it but i don't know why i'm still hooked...i'm just plain k-po.) and blah blah blah....hehehe...so much for my will power lor...

oh well, i'm trying so hard now and am still surviving (surprisingly)...the thing is, i don't just wana hover at the brink of success....i wana savour every part of it....So, if anyone ever find that i'm rather apathetic towards anything.....i'm so sorry...but i assure you it will only take 3 months... =)

Celebrating our 5 yrs of friendship and counting....

*Jane aka coolbabe and i enjoying our irresistable wafer ice cream and choc fondue (top)

*The babes savouring a sumptuous lunch at Fin's...look at those chips!!! (bottom)

*Free ride anyone?? we're on our way to Haagen Daz for dessert!!

*where's jiayi? oh, she's busy dipping into the fondue of cos....

The good times.........

Cheers to our everlasting friendship!!!! i love you all!!!!

Guilty pleasure

Guilty Pleasure....

"For some who do not or absolutely cannot find anything addictive about the pleasure of splurging, then why are there millions of women in the world so eager to part with their money for things which they do not essentially need? Shopping IS indeed that fascinating.

Though this sounds annoyingly biased to some extent, i still gotta agree that girls are girls...even if shopping do not involve literal monetary transactions, it is still a form of indulgence to us. this is what i call Visual Indulgence......we cannot totally ignore the fact that window shopping can actually broaden our horizons toward style and fashion.

For me, i just simply cannot help feeling euphoric at the idea of tossing out the things i bought from a day's shopping spree, to admire....(Ahhhh...the contententment i feel is indecribable...). haha.

but i gotta admit that window shopping does also pains me a great deal cos that means i won't be able to bring anything home. and that sucks big time.

that's why i made it a point to at least get something whenever possible, especially when i'm in town. for the record; i'm really NOT rich, and the things i buy ain't expensive either..."

Shopping: will be permanently ranked top 3 on my must-do list! Satisfaction guaranteed!!!

dear bloggie.....

Dear Bloggie......

i'm now left with the last paper (lit p2) and i have quotes to memorise but i don't feel like it. AT ALL.

i miss the babes so much.

i still haven get my b'dae prezzies from some ppl yet *hint* *hint*

the stewpid webtune in my blog has got virus. (don't worry, it's not contagious)

i haven't been sleeping enough these days.

i eat too much.

i ate a lot of junk the past few weeks.

my hair needs trimming.

i'm reading cleo now instead of my notes.

i'm running outta things to write but i must write something cos i don't wana get "the most neglected blog" award for this month...lol

...this is what happens when my inspiration runs dry.....

new skin...

ta-DA!

my brand new skin.....not too impressive though....

it took me half a day to choose it. but it's not the nicest of all lah..plain is good.

enjoy the song! (turn on the volume thingy)

cheers*

from friendster....-cut & pasteD-

(Cut & pasteD from friendster)

5 years and still counting....

i'm so afraid that he'll see this yet i secretly wished he would. so what if i really wanted him back? what's done, is done.

"All these years i thought i've gradually grown out of the relationship but i was wrong. instead of him taking a back seat in my head, those memories have instead become clearer than ever.... you know, people always say you'll mature as you grow...yes, tt's what's happening to me, but it only makes me wonder if he is really that important a figure in my heart. it's like, even as i moved on, and have had my fair share of relationships after him.....i never felt that i was in love. honestly, from the depth of my senses.....there's just something missing which i cannot make out what. sometimes i can't help but think that i was trying so hard to fill in what's missing that i lose myself along the way.

And with every passing relationships, i felt tt i became worse than ever. in fact, i've let everyone of them down...cos ultimately, i knew i haven't let him go. of cos, tt's something i'll never have the courage to admit...i guess most of my close friends have guessed it. i simply can't find a better replacement (or maybe i don't want to)
then why end it in the first place? i know it sounds cliche but it's always when you lose someone then you learn to treasure him/her. the thing is, maybe if we were still together i would've taken him for granted. you wana know why i ended it....i'll tell you i don't know why either....i can actually delude myself to the fact that it was purely peer pressure but who am i going to fool? if only i had the chance to explain. and if only i was given the chance to.

All's too late. tt's not something hard for me to understand. which is why i understood the reason for him to hate me so much these few years... i don't know if he really hated me for what i did though. but if i were in his shoes, i would. i really wana know how he felt.....the sad thing is i didn't even get to talk to him. maybe circumstances just didn't allow tt to happen.

For now, i really want to say this: i don't know what love was and what it's like to be loved until i had him....the fact tt i didn't cherish him the way i should made me regret it deeply...but i want him to know tt that what i took away with me were great memories. no one but him makes me smile when i think abt the past. he's like part of who i am, always with me through my hard times, and when i accomplish something great, i'd like to share it with him....he's also part of the reason why i push myself hard in achieveing my goals---all these kept me going even as i walk alone now. i wana see him again someday, no matter what he'll feel towards me."

i know it'll be worth the wait...

taggies

when bitches and bastards start calling others that...

1) there are enough animals with them around. and we don't want a free membership either

2) they speak like they don't have a brain. cos they're like animals. (even my dog understands the word shut up....do you?)

3) even if they do comment, they only produce words they know like "bitchy" and "bastards"..oh, and maybe a few directive words if their brains allow the space for storage

4) they so-delude themselves to the fact that they're actually functioning like A human...and the only way to prove it is to outperform....(sure....no one's competing with you if you realise)...and the outcome???? you're are still very much outcasted.

5) they think highly of themselves being able to slam others in the tagboards....i applaud so.....cos i seriously have never come across non-human beings who are able to do that.....good effort! oh, but do brush up on your vocab...i see you're running outta words to write. maybe you should resort to your animal instincts like pouncing on people?

6) the way they were so quick to judge one as a "bitch" somehow reflects the way they are too.... maybe tt's why they called others that cos they din want those people to follow in their footsteps.so kind hor.....

7) the most significant thing about them: they don't have names like we humans do. i can give them one----"idiots"..yes, the idiots tt i mentioned in my previous entry...i've never found anyone fit so nicely into it before.


....& before "you" become a nuisance to the society and to all mankind, you may want to perish along with your unsubstantiative comments about your human-counterparts.we didn't ask for comments and we will never wana recognise your existence...

when my inspiration runs dry

Are you an idiot?

It's funny how we always have so much things to say whenever we come across anything new, ridiculous or provoking...it's like, especially when something seems nothing but a pool of dung to you....
it's kinda difficult to explain this but i'm sure someone out there will get me...people are just opinionated and when they don't get the gravity of the situation, they become biased....i hate this but reality is THAT disgusting...

all it takes is for an idot to say something which is equally idotic....the tongues will start to wag.

the even funnier things is, these idiotic people tend to be deluded by their own idea of themselves...they live by the ideals that subconsciously develop in their minds. to them, that's what makes them different, and "special". But the ugly thing about this is; these percieved "ideals" that they live by are not really very admirable either.....( it's no wonder that people have so much to say about them ) in fact, they're in dilemma most of the time; to accept criticisms may actually make their world crumble.......the morale built so high and are so protected but their friends and families will be reduced to nothing.

One moment you're put so high on the pedestal, the next you're down and under. simply because there are people out there who don't appreciate you....or worse, they don't find anything appreciatable about you. so sad. but seriously, don't it explains something?

in most cases, these people simply go on with the lives, dismissing the fact that they need changes---real badly.

and then there's this insignificant group of sadistic beings who disapproves of your very existence because of "the green monster" living in them....which they will never ever bring themselves to admit because they're constantly in search of reasons to free themselves from this guilt....that's pretty pathetic too. and coincidently,they almost bear the greatest resemblance to the idotic people as mentioned earlier.....

The world is yours for the taking; so take it.....no one's gonna deprive you of your choice to live in an eggshell.....so by all means.......but someday, just someday.....it will crack.

hmmm, and who am i to criticise? i'm not, i'm just evaluating what most people will want to avoid....because i acknowledge the many flaws i see in myself and others; because i know self reflection is an essential in life. does that make me an idiot as well? maybe. (at least i know a lot of true idiots out there will think so)

new chapter...new beginning

Sweet 19.....and my dissipating youth...


Okie Dokie...now tt everything's more or less settled...i'm happy again....not tt i wasn't before but now tt nothing's really bothering me, i can finally concentrate on the more important things....

to all who've wished me happy birthday....THANK YOU ALL!!!!!! really appreciated it.

6 months to go but it's never too late to start anew right? yep...honestly, i sincerely hope tt things will really turn out for the better...be it in terms of friendship or my studies...
someone once told me: when a situtaion seems to be coming to an end, it's really the beginning of it.....and it applies to everything.

guess i've done enough procrastinating already. i'm still painstakingly trying to learn but how long will i take? at least i'm done with the friendship part... for my studies---i'm desperately trying....

why am i always lamenting about myself? it's the last of my teenage yrs and here i am not one bit looking forward to it......somehow something's missing...

.....the little element of hope and faith that i can hardly get from him....i'm just plain insignificant and easily forgetable....?

to me, you meant the world and beyond....


*till we meet again, the last of my birthday wishes will always be you*

lotsa prezzies!!! & some food for thought

yay~ it's just another enjoyable day cos' huihua came over and brought me lotsa prezzies.....hmmm, not a lot actually but it's still enough to fill my contentment..wahaha.. she uploaded her pics and told me quite a lot of "interesting" stories from her trip though i could actually speculate the details....

and yep, i showed her my Zen Neeon....and she said she's gonna get one too..maybe purple or something...whichever it is....it still rawks!!!

oh! another thing i have to add...huihua just helped me to prank call ZJ!!!! OMG, i was so close to passing out but at the same time was oh-so exhilerated the moment i heard his voice...for a second i thought it was really him, but then again he sounded much more 'ang moh', so i was quite suspicious....(the thing is i haven't actually heard his voice for more than 3 yrs...) well anyways, she called again cos i wanted so badly to reassure myself hat it was him....then it happened again! i got pretty hysterical and couldn't really contain my excitement...for the first time since i don't know when, i felt such a great adrenalin rush........and then it was over...........
it's hard to imagine how a few seconds can really make my day.....this is,essentially something which i can never ever bring myself to do...to even call him and say hi or whatever.....it will probably kill me to even speak a word to him. there's just this layer of "vacuum" in between us that will never seem to disappear...or mayeb it's just me...i know my problem but it's hard to change. i am not afraid to overtly proclaim that i still do have strong feelings for him but when it comes to letting him know....it's like never gonna happen....i'm that ironic....

okay, now about the more pressing issues----i've been doing some deep thinking on my current state....i'm not really stagnant in my revisions but more like progressing in a retarding rate....and i really don't know what i can do about it man....it's like everytime i thought i was so geared-up and all ready to bury myself in notes, i screwed up....i kept walking around the house, get distracted by the people walking around me...i was even close to boring myself to sleep when i stared at the notes for too long...the worst thing is, i couldn't help it at all......~sigh~ my mid yr's coming and i've never felt this troubled before...it reminded me of the times when i was preparing for my O's....in fact, i think i wasn't even as clear-sighted than i was before...though i really think i'm under much duress for producing good grades (thanks to my parents, of cos), i know it's for my own good too....

"...i will never be able to look myself in the mirror at the end of the day and tell myself that i've done my best when i know very well that what i percieved to be the best is not enough...." -Mat-

my DROP-DEAD gorgeous Zen neeon!!!

i'm so bloody happy and i'm totally over-the-moon now cos i just got my zen neeon today!!! yay~~~this is my first mp3 player apart from my sis' ipod shuffle....but guess what? mine can shuffle too lor.....wahahaha this is gonna make her so jealous...the look on her face was like green when she got into the car..haha but fret not sis, i lend it to you if u ever ask...hehe finally the 'long' wait is over...or so it seems....hahaha. i've been buggin my dad for one since i saw it in CLEO....

oOoOoo~~~ it's so slick, groovy, pretty...whatever u call it man.... i chose a bronze one cos it's quite close to brown (one of my fav color)....i actually wanted red but it looked like orange more...the bright colors are nice too but i think i prefered darker ones...i totally dig it man!!!

and it's not as if i can get if i asked for one....it's plainly a birthday gift from my parents....kinda like a *hint* too....like i'll have to drown myself in my stacks of notes for the next half of my holidays to make my results look presentable....ok! for that, (and for the benefit of the society....uh, ok, not exactly tt....more like for myself).....i will walk tt extra mile!!!!!!

i'm not gonna promise anyone that....cos i'm gonna do it and i will!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! jiayou!!!!!!!!