@kBox after grad night

@kBox after grad night....
poor jacky had to stay up late for us....lol.....[but no gays bugged him surprisingly]

ps; click on the pics to enlarge.....

Graduation....class of 2005

A Night to remember....

BUT, i still don't like the school and some people......

ps; the following pics can't enlarge...wana see go check my friendster photos k...sorry...

the nicest skin so far

Oh well....seems like i can't get enough of changing my blogskin. what to do? i'm a Gemini...my world is ever-changing....i can never really stick to the same things for too long. buthen there are always that certain lil' exeptions....

i ought to keep this skin for as long as i can...cos i really like it a lot man. and i realised i got faster and faster in the entire process.... higher productivity? maybe... but i gotta agree that practice makes puuurfect.. hee~

Today's my Granny's birthday celebration...which i just learnt of in the morning...how unfilial can i be? but after the assurance from my mom that she herself cannot recall the exact date, i didn't feel that bad lah... besides, i can't even remember my parents' birthdays accurately. it's always "um....25th?? no? 22nd?....oh i know i know...20........" and its like a habit already...

My mom's cooking up a feast in the kitchen and i can even smell the aroma of the braised duck despite the seperation of the closed door... Anyways, we're not gonna eat at home...we'll be going to my aunt's place at geylang this evening. ok, so much for the food prep and all...

I just wana say that i was truly inspired after chatting with my volleyball senior yesterday... i figured out at this point in time...the best motivation i can get is to actually sought advice from the people who've experienced the same situation as me before...

So glad to know that she got into NUS ---the haven where greener grasses grow...or so it seems... when me and my friends talk about it now...we came to agree that maybe even the shit smells better there [lol]. we can get real deluded at times...especially when the end draws near.
Back to the chat, i asked her how she coped with her studies...how to imrove GP at a phenomenal rate....how does consultation really worked for her n stuff...and not to mention the countless encouragement she gave me.... Really appreciated it! i even suggested that she could come down to our school for some prep talk next yr.

After recieving my less than ideal grades for prelims [thou my econs improved drastically], i've actually contemplated the possibility of achieving my desired goal of admittance into a U... But after the chat....i can really visualise light at the end of the tunnel... [so cliche]....and i'm quite proud to say that now i'm REALLY into my books....quite ironical to say this cos i'm supposed to be burried under my notes now...maybe i'll take the excuse of havin a break? yeah...sounds noble enough..haha.

Till then i won't say stuff like i'm not gonna blog cos of my A's cos i always break it...so, heck to that.... i'll still blog as and when i fell like it. and i'll continue to reply the tags!
tO my dearest fellow A'level warriors [lol]: We'll win a BEAUTIFUL battle if we want it bad enough!

Goodbye volleyballies

Can you all spot me?? wahaha...the pic is so tiny.

Anyways, have to say that we're really a crazy bunch. esp during trainings....
One common thing we share despite all the differences and conflicts we have as a team is that we truly miss the trainings we had together..[to the ppl in blue only] not to forget KOK LEONG!!! our coach...
we've experienced joy and pain....frustrations and injuries....but one thing we'll keep deep within us: the Volleyball Spirit!!! May the juniors keep this spirit of volleyball burning for as long as the sch survives [lol].

Some juniors may have misunderstood us for being a bit 'dao' or whatever....wait till you're in yr 3 and figure out you have sooooo many juniors whom you cannot possibly recognise....so don't be surprised we don't smile at you...besides, we don't even smile at our friends all the time...so pls don't always think we're unfriendly...cos u all really don't know us well....maybe Karin they all will understand us more..we can get so lunatic you won't believe it---tt is if we want to....
Plus, for all that 3 yrs of hardwork and 'sufferings' we do deserve some 'prestige' or respect ok.... we've had our fair share of problems in the team too.....but it doesn't matter already...

On a personal note, it's never easy to be a captain....and it's not as nice a label as ppl may think....i have to succumb to great shit for that extra CCA points on the leaving cert. Not that i'm complaining...but i do fell honourable to be one....i'm truly glad that some of my mates think i have the potential...whether or not they changed their minds after that i don't know...but as i've said earlier...it really doesn't matter already....at least, i thought i've accomplished a good half of what a captain should do....and if given a chance, i'll be better than i was....

Moving on, i'm sure we'll find our greener pastures in the future...be it in Volleyball or our studies....i'm looking forward to life after this...[i know we all are]. Take lotsa care and strive hard for now! Like the way we used to for the game.....[steady Ace!]

GMR-2004-2005

Dedicated to GMR. [please don't ask me what it stands for.....]

Thanks for all the great times....

*Tennis @ safra

*Pepper lunch

*Neo-prints

*The incessant bitchings....

-Love you all!-

the war is on

.........and the WAR is on!

after weeks of struggles, we've finally reached a conclusion. the extent of superficiality is utterly unbearable..... what's with the segregation? we're like playing some kinda game which we couldn't even tell what. it's become ever clearer to me that it's 'every man for himself'.

BUT, at least GMR is still intact and going strong [i hope]....yes we are....*coughz* i'm kinda tired of all that competition shit already....even if i really want to compete, what's the bloody point? the entire cohort's not just 24 ppl anyways....

the most ridiculous thing is that ppl have this spastic mindset like doing well='hao lian'. it's like 'what the fcuk?' a simple example will explain it all: highest score 15/30, all else fails except for one..... and you know what? this person has the line "I'M SO HAOLIAN" written all over his sick face...for goodness' sake, it's just a pathetic pass................get a life leh, as if he/she did it to piss all of us off.....if one scores well then good for him/her lah....what's with having this condescending attitude towards him/her???? if you can, do the same lor. you know, since when is it a crime to do well?? since you change the education system is it?

these ppl.....not that i wana say, their values are like one in a million. so full of themselves and filled with contempt....only evokes utter disgust in me....i'm so full now i don't need another reason to puke....

One very important thing i've learnt is that, should i EVER do well, i better keep all the joy and exhileration in my guts.....in case they label me as being PROUD. but honestly, who don't feel proud for doing well? i mean after putting in that extra effort and sacrificing hours of sleep, can't you just rightfully express your sentiments??? tt'll probably amount to murder in their very sickenning laws-if they were to impose any....maybe they disapproves of such actions because they've never tasted success in their lives...but whatever it is......to me they're nothing....the real threat tt i should be concerned with shouldn't be confined to just within the walls of the school. it's never that....

i may sound like i'm down-right mean....but seriously, i can't help it. i can't help if i offend anyone....i can't bloody help it if ppl treat me with disdain after reading this....you know, there's a lot of things in this world that cannot be helped. so if anyone don't like the way i am....whatever, i'm not accountable to you and your equally distorted world....you'll probably not see or hear of me again in your lifetime anyways.......so just read this and be VERY pissed...then you can quietly piss off too....=)

ps: this is NOT directed at GMR......whoever else who feels like i'm talking about you. MAYBE.

PRIDE & some other nitty witty stuff

CAN ANYONE PLEASE TELL ME WHY THE BLOGGER SITE IS IN CHINESE???

though i don't doubt my abilities in understanding or even reading chinese language, i do have a huge problem in trying to decipher the un-simplified chinese forms...as in "fan ti" words....

For one, it took me like 10+ mins to figure out the word "save"...it's like i feel so Cheena all of a sudden....well anyways, that's just crap and i still managed to blog so i'm not really gonna bother about it for now.

today's 'REST-DAY' for me so that explains the fact that i'm not gonna touch my notes... No, not that i'm not touching them- i still gotta re'arrange and file them over again. so you can actually imagine how much i loathe the period after exams....cos it's not exactly OVER for me yet....... and to my absolute horror, my physical geog notes alone was like more than 6 inch thick....excluding my human geog part which makes up a whole GEOGRAPHY subject in case it didn'toccur to you. so was wondering, 53 days left so how the hell am i supposed to conquer all that??????

now that i have time to do some reflection on how sinful i was for the past weeks, watching DVDs and stuff....[ i simply could not resist television ]...this huge sense of guilt was undeniably OVERWHELMING. sad to say, i wasn't as prepared as i thought i was for my prelims....and as if it wasn't bad enough....i suffered from a brain block during the econs essay paper.....

nevermind, no one should sympathize with me or offer any form of consolation....it's just like i'm plotting my very own downfall....too bad, i'm only human, i'm not infallible....i've got to put up with so much temptations [specifically tV] in life and sometimes i do fumble, i do succumb to all those negative influences. ------this is essentially MY form of self-consolation. lol.

Luckily, i do have a network of supportive friends around to give me the encouragement and advices i ought to heed but very seldom does so. BUT, i do appreciate those efforts. especially with the pte-ltd family...considering the fact that we're in IT TOGETHER....we MUST make it to UNI!!!!!! we're not gonna make promises now, we're gonna MAKE IT HAPPEN!!!!!!!

oh, to my beloved JIAYI....though u may not see this but i 'll still say it here....
HAPPY BE-LATED BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! my dearest, grooviest sista ever!
[we're gonna take lotsa pics tml! and i can't wait!]

Again

Last night, i dreamt of him again....

we were back in school.
he looked me up.
held my hand.
and we never parted.
he told me he finally realised who he cherished most.
the answer i guessed but never ask.
maybe.
it maybe me.

i got lost in the crowd.
amidst the familiar faces.
they saw right through me.
i was lost not only from him.
i lost my heart. i cannot be calm.

then i searched around.
pushing through almost everyone in my way.
just when i was about to break down
just as i thought the moment of bliss was surreal
he stood before me. smiled. and took my hand again.
my heart sank. but was full.

we walked together.
hand in hand.
we never spoke.
the familiar scent i missed became everlasting.
the walk took forever.

what are we now.
together?
i cannot imagine it was true.
it never was.
dreams are never true to me.

why again?
when i'm busy and burdened with work.
he did not cross my mind.
not for a week.
why then the dream?

i vowed to move on.
yet i'm tied down to you.

Listen to my heart

listen to what your heart says....


what do you hear?


mine says i shouldn't wait cos even if i do

.....nothing's ever gonna happen.


now i'm tired.

Full house

FULL HOUSE.......love it! It's like the nicest korean drama i've ever watched....such a visual indulgence.....wahahaha......please go watch it and you'll get what i mean....*winks*

shit school, shit you

Sh*t school, Sh*t you [viewers' descretion recommended]

Lyrics by ( the two deprived-souls)

(Sing it with whatever tune you like cos we don't give a shit)

here goes....

what's the damn problem?
why's everyone looking like they didn't have supper?
his eyes are red
and her hair's not in place
i didn't sleep last night and i'm wide awake

where's all the good times?
they're left with nothing but a pack of lies
each mornings is
a bloody nightmare
i step into a school which makes me scared

i'm so doomed...
in this shit school
there're shit everywhere
people step on them like they just don't care

you're so doomed....
in this shit school
don't friggin talk to me now
i don't wana be
influenced by all the shit from you

-end-

i say: this song totally sucks......but i like.

believe it

Do you ever remember when people tell you that A'levels was hard?

BELIEVE IT.

it's even harder when you have a LOUSY tutor which brought my level of "TOH-lerance" to the brink.

i felt excruciating pain sitting through his class and the fact that i don't fall asleep is incredibly odd. Everyone seem to be in a daze, (some were staring at the screen, some were trying so hard to glean the slightest relevant information from the lecture. and yes, some like me, drifted away into a world of our own..........where tutors like him don't exist.)

All i need to do is to shut my eyes and *poof* it'll be bliss............. but thanks to the dose of coffee i had in the morning....i was wide awake.

i was desperately trying to make the best outta the lecture. Unfortunately, it occured to me that he wasn't really delivering knowledge to us....his very presence did the total opposite.

so he tried to explain the 'Sun Spot' to us....a simple theoretical term that explains the areas of the sun which seem dark to the naked eye. he could've done it in like 20secs? but no, he has to show us the tonnes of pictures he prepared. and after 5mins, i still don't get it. so i got frustrated and asked "So what's a sunspot?!" my tone was that of impatience but i probably echoed the sentiments my class was so dying to express but didn't felt like it. and then he "answered" me with another question.

For crying out loud, i don't know what he's teaching and the very fact that i bothered to ASK a question shows that i seriously don't know what's going on. so just answer the damn question. if i didn't need his help, i wouldn't ask. which part of "please fill me in" don't he get?

frankly, he could've saved so much time if he were more precise. and i mean P-R-E-C-I-S-E.

Why am i so so full agitaion and why am i so easily irritable????? we don't have much time left (less than a HUNDRED days) and he is the ONLY tutor who hasn't complete the syllabus, discounting our human geog which is only left with ONE lecture.....i really don't wana compare but i'm scared. i'm pinning my hopes on geog and he's increasingly making me feel that it's not going to work.

i'm so bothered.

my Secret wish......

Make a wish*........& keep the faith!

People tell me that once i disclose my wishes, then they'll never come true....i can't help but feel this way....cos i realised that there are more people out there who knows what i'm wishing for now...this is so scary.....

i won't write a wish-list because i'm afraid that these stuff will never happen...Besides, there weren't even Santa Clauses around for heaven's sake. i'm not a kid anymore and i know reality hits hard at you when you least expect it......i have long got-over the notorious boogey-man and vege-monster my mom used to threaten me with when i refused to sleep or eat the broccoli on my plate. yet there's still one thing i believe strongly in.....WISHES*

i don't exactly know if they were ever true but i'd love to believe so..... i still continue to make 3 wishes every year on my birthday....and they do come true occassionally....

then there's this strange thing we call "dreams".....what's the difference between the two?
i'm not too sure either. but i certainly have my reservations when it comes to dreams....

Can you imagine when someone says to you "may all your dreams come true"? that's pretty evil to me.....what if you have had nightmares for the previous nights? or what if you dreamt that someone you know died?? these are all 'Toxic Dreams' man.....what an oxymoron......
dreams are supposed to be pleasant and are usually used for well-wishing....but you don't just dream nice stuff do you? what about the times where you dreamt of yourself being chased by some monsters you don't even know exist.....? and the dream that portrayed you failing your tests??? that's why my hair always stands on ends whenever someone said that to me....

Not that i'm a victim of incessant nightnmares ( the ratio of sweet dreams over nightmares are much higher), but none of mine ever occured in reality........
slowly, i realised, dreams are only images which i subconsciously create on my own...and it's proven......

wishes, to me, can be sinful as well.....sometimes when i get so irritated by some people i do secretly wish they were dead....so mean........yes, i know.....but it's like a reflex to me....that's just out of impulse.....haha.....i confess.....i do make truck-loads of 'Dangerous wishes'....what if i have the power to make them all come true? haha....then i'll make Bill gates give me all his inheritance!!!!! wahahaaa....then blah blah blah...but i won't wana take over the world....i'd rather ask for world peace.....hhahahaa....and there're the times when i wished i didn't make the choices i made, or if i owned the ability to buy time.....and the list goes on....

well, i'm a simple girl....i won't ask for much....i just hope that this secret wish of mine will come true.....and i'm definitely keeping the faith*

So, to all my beloved friends out there who're still full of hopes.....Hang-on! you'll never know when your turn will come...

muffyboy

Introducing...........MuffyBoy!!!!!! the Clean-shaven "long-coat" chihuahua!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Isn't he adorable......???? In the picture, that is.....(Muffyboy, aka the lil monster.....lol)

Muffy doesn't know where the camera is this time.......

Before......he looks like a girl with long coat....but the good thing is, he don't need to wear a shirt to keep himself warm unlike now.....hahaha

i can't bloody believe it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"i can't bloody believe it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I tell you......i'm so mad, so frustrated, so freakin' moodless now cos i missed Friday's Smallville episode!!!!! ARGHHHH...u noe i was so damn lookin forward to it cos i wanted to watch Lex Luthor on TV (yes i'm immature for now).... so i happily grabbed my Ruffles chips and sat on the sofa comfortably....and guess what's on tv????? EXTREME MAKEOVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (can you imagine the horror??!!)

So i screwed up the timing again and it's supposed to be at 8.30....FINE.....after a whole weeks' wait....extreme make over?!?!??!?! *PUI* my eyeballs nearly sprung out of their sockets..... no Lex Luthor nevermind....not even ONE cute guy or what....for record, there aren't even any decent looking fellas shown on tv.....so much for a stressed week....i see ugly and distorted ppl waiting to get their faces cut, which i think, didn't make much of an impression after all...ok sorry, not that i have anything against them or plastic surgery...i'm just tryna vent my frustrations on the stewpid programme..... oh c'mon, AT LEAST one tree hill????? nono, i won't even mind malcom in the middle.............

But i can see where this is getting....i have this real huge problem with time and dates since the june holidays...and i've been screwing up the sequence of events since then...very disorganised, very dysfunctional...yes, i'm Acutely disorientated....for one, i didn't even know what time was my first mid yr paper and i actually woke up at 5.45 in the morning and got changed for school...then i took out the timetable to double confirm....i was in total dismay, yet was quite relieved too...cos it says 12pm......then i called my friends to ask....and sure enuf, most of them were either sleeping or didn't even turn on their phones...ok great....i simply laughed it off and went back to sleep..am i THAT blurr? or am i just plain jaded............

AND that was not the end of it. A couple of more screwed-up things happened and i'm seriously concerned if i was that driven by stress....i get ppl reminding me about dates and timing these days and i actually feel kinda sorry for myself...if i can't even get the simplest of all things right...how am i supposed to achieve greater things??? and NO, i don't wana mess-up my A's....i'd rather be shot...

i just hope that in future i can safely adhere to my plans...at least until after my A's???

Anyways, maybe i should just forget about watching tV altogether to save myself from contemplating suicide everytime i missed my fav programmes...is it THAT serious? yes.(at least to me)

By right, i was supposed to abstain myself from tV already!!!! so maybe that was a hint that i shouldn't be watching tV anymore.....ok, i'll try hard.....but there're still a couple of MUST-SEEs like the CSI Finale, Project superstar (i have so much criticisms for it but i don't know why i'm still hooked...i'm just plain k-po.) and blah blah blah....hehehe...so much for my will power lor...

oh well, i'm trying so hard now and am still surviving (surprisingly)...the thing is, i don't just wana hover at the brink of success....i wana savour every part of it....So, if anyone ever find that i'm rather apathetic towards anything.....i'm so sorry...but i assure you it will only take 3 months... =)

Celebrating our 5 yrs of friendship and counting....

*Jane aka coolbabe and i enjoying our irresistable wafer ice cream and choc fondue (top)

*The babes savouring a sumptuous lunch at Fin's...look at those chips!!! (bottom)

*Free ride anyone?? we're on our way to Haagen Daz for dessert!!

*where's jiayi? oh, she's busy dipping into the fondue of cos....

The good times.........

Cheers to our everlasting friendship!!!! i love you all!!!!

Guilty pleasure

Guilty Pleasure....

"For some who do not or absolutely cannot find anything addictive about the pleasure of splurging, then why are there millions of women in the world so eager to part with their money for things which they do not essentially need? Shopping IS indeed that fascinating.

Though this sounds annoyingly biased to some extent, i still gotta agree that girls are girls...even if shopping do not involve literal monetary transactions, it is still a form of indulgence to us. this is what i call Visual Indulgence......we cannot totally ignore the fact that window shopping can actually broaden our horizons toward style and fashion.

For me, i just simply cannot help feeling euphoric at the idea of tossing out the things i bought from a day's shopping spree, to admire....(Ahhhh...the contententment i feel is indecribable...). haha.

but i gotta admit that window shopping does also pains me a great deal cos that means i won't be able to bring anything home. and that sucks big time.

that's why i made it a point to at least get something whenever possible, especially when i'm in town. for the record; i'm really NOT rich, and the things i buy ain't expensive either..."

Shopping: will be permanently ranked top 3 on my must-do list! Satisfaction guaranteed!!!

dear bloggie.....

Dear Bloggie......

i'm now left with the last paper (lit p2) and i have quotes to memorise but i don't feel like it. AT ALL.

i miss the babes so much.

i still haven get my b'dae prezzies from some ppl yet *hint* *hint*

the stewpid webtune in my blog has got virus. (don't worry, it's not contagious)

i haven't been sleeping enough these days.

i eat too much.

i ate a lot of junk the past few weeks.

my hair needs trimming.

i'm reading cleo now instead of my notes.

i'm running outta things to write but i must write something cos i don't wana get "the most neglected blog" award for this month...lol

...this is what happens when my inspiration runs dry.....

new skin...

ta-DA!

my brand new skin.....not too impressive though....

it took me half a day to choose it. but it's not the nicest of all lah..plain is good.

enjoy the song! (turn on the volume thingy)

cheers*

from friendster....-cut & pasteD-

(Cut & pasteD from friendster)

5 years and still counting....

i'm so afraid that he'll see this yet i secretly wished he would. so what if i really wanted him back? what's done, is done.

"All these years i thought i've gradually grown out of the relationship but i was wrong. instead of him taking a back seat in my head, those memories have instead become clearer than ever.... you know, people always say you'll mature as you grow...yes, tt's what's happening to me, but it only makes me wonder if he is really that important a figure in my heart. it's like, even as i moved on, and have had my fair share of relationships after him.....i never felt that i was in love. honestly, from the depth of my senses.....there's just something missing which i cannot make out what. sometimes i can't help but think that i was trying so hard to fill in what's missing that i lose myself along the way.

And with every passing relationships, i felt tt i became worse than ever. in fact, i've let everyone of them down...cos ultimately, i knew i haven't let him go. of cos, tt's something i'll never have the courage to admit...i guess most of my close friends have guessed it. i simply can't find a better replacement (or maybe i don't want to)
then why end it in the first place? i know it sounds cliche but it's always when you lose someone then you learn to treasure him/her. the thing is, maybe if we were still together i would've taken him for granted. you wana know why i ended it....i'll tell you i don't know why either....i can actually delude myself to the fact that it was purely peer pressure but who am i going to fool? if only i had the chance to explain. and if only i was given the chance to.

All's too late. tt's not something hard for me to understand. which is why i understood the reason for him to hate me so much these few years... i don't know if he really hated me for what i did though. but if i were in his shoes, i would. i really wana know how he felt.....the sad thing is i didn't even get to talk to him. maybe circumstances just didn't allow tt to happen.

For now, i really want to say this: i don't know what love was and what it's like to be loved until i had him....the fact tt i didn't cherish him the way i should made me regret it deeply...but i want him to know tt that what i took away with me were great memories. no one but him makes me smile when i think abt the past. he's like part of who i am, always with me through my hard times, and when i accomplish something great, i'd like to share it with him....he's also part of the reason why i push myself hard in achieveing my goals---all these kept me going even as i walk alone now. i wana see him again someday, no matter what he'll feel towards me."

i know it'll be worth the wait...