when my inspiration runs dry

Are you an idiot?

It's funny how we always have so much things to say whenever we come across anything new, ridiculous or provoking...it's like, especially when something seems nothing but a pool of dung to you....
it's kinda difficult to explain this but i'm sure someone out there will get me...people are just opinionated and when they don't get the gravity of the situation, they become biased....i hate this but reality is THAT disgusting...

all it takes is for an idot to say something which is equally idotic....the tongues will start to wag.

the even funnier things is, these idiotic people tend to be deluded by their own idea of themselves...they live by the ideals that subconsciously develop in their minds. to them, that's what makes them different, and "special". But the ugly thing about this is; these percieved "ideals" that they live by are not really very admirable either.....( it's no wonder that people have so much to say about them ) in fact, they're in dilemma most of the time; to accept criticisms may actually make their world crumble.......the morale built so high and are so protected but their friends and families will be reduced to nothing.

One moment you're put so high on the pedestal, the next you're down and under. simply because there are people out there who don't appreciate you....or worse, they don't find anything appreciatable about you. so sad. but seriously, don't it explains something?

in most cases, these people simply go on with the lives, dismissing the fact that they need changes---real badly.

and then there's this insignificant group of sadistic beings who disapproves of your very existence because of "the green monster" living in them....which they will never ever bring themselves to admit because they're constantly in search of reasons to free themselves from this guilt....that's pretty pathetic too. and coincidently,they almost bear the greatest resemblance to the idotic people as mentioned earlier.....

The world is yours for the taking; so take it.....no one's gonna deprive you of your choice to live in an eggshell.....so by all means.......but someday, just someday.....it will crack.

hmmm, and who am i to criticise? i'm not, i'm just evaluating what most people will want to avoid....because i acknowledge the many flaws i see in myself and others; because i know self reflection is an essential in life. does that make me an idiot as well? maybe. (at least i know a lot of true idiots out there will think so)

new chapter...new beginning

Sweet 19.....and my dissipating youth...


Okie Dokie...now tt everything's more or less settled...i'm happy again....not tt i wasn't before but now tt nothing's really bothering me, i can finally concentrate on the more important things....

to all who've wished me happy birthday....THANK YOU ALL!!!!!! really appreciated it.

6 months to go but it's never too late to start anew right? yep...honestly, i sincerely hope tt things will really turn out for the better...be it in terms of friendship or my studies...
someone once told me: when a situtaion seems to be coming to an end, it's really the beginning of it.....and it applies to everything.

guess i've done enough procrastinating already. i'm still painstakingly trying to learn but how long will i take? at least i'm done with the friendship part... for my studies---i'm desperately trying....

why am i always lamenting about myself? it's the last of my teenage yrs and here i am not one bit looking forward to it......somehow something's missing...

.....the little element of hope and faith that i can hardly get from him....i'm just plain insignificant and easily forgetable....?

to me, you meant the world and beyond....


*till we meet again, the last of my birthday wishes will always be you*

lotsa prezzies!!! & some food for thought

yay~ it's just another enjoyable day cos' huihua came over and brought me lotsa prezzies.....hmmm, not a lot actually but it's still enough to fill my contentment..wahaha.. she uploaded her pics and told me quite a lot of "interesting" stories from her trip though i could actually speculate the details....

and yep, i showed her my Zen Neeon....and she said she's gonna get one too..maybe purple or something...whichever it is....it still rawks!!!

oh! another thing i have to add...huihua just helped me to prank call ZJ!!!! OMG, i was so close to passing out but at the same time was oh-so exhilerated the moment i heard his voice...for a second i thought it was really him, but then again he sounded much more 'ang moh', so i was quite suspicious....(the thing is i haven't actually heard his voice for more than 3 yrs...) well anyways, she called again cos i wanted so badly to reassure myself hat it was him....then it happened again! i got pretty hysterical and couldn't really contain my excitement...for the first time since i don't know when, i felt such a great adrenalin rush........and then it was over...........
it's hard to imagine how a few seconds can really make my day.....this is,essentially something which i can never ever bring myself to do...to even call him and say hi or whatever.....it will probably kill me to even speak a word to him. there's just this layer of "vacuum" in between us that will never seem to disappear...or mayeb it's just me...i know my problem but it's hard to change. i am not afraid to overtly proclaim that i still do have strong feelings for him but when it comes to letting him know....it's like never gonna happen....i'm that ironic....

okay, now about the more pressing issues----i've been doing some deep thinking on my current state....i'm not really stagnant in my revisions but more like progressing in a retarding rate....and i really don't know what i can do about it man....it's like everytime i thought i was so geared-up and all ready to bury myself in notes, i screwed up....i kept walking around the house, get distracted by the people walking around me...i was even close to boring myself to sleep when i stared at the notes for too long...the worst thing is, i couldn't help it at all......~sigh~ my mid yr's coming and i've never felt this troubled before...it reminded me of the times when i was preparing for my O's....in fact, i think i wasn't even as clear-sighted than i was before...though i really think i'm under much duress for producing good grades (thanks to my parents, of cos), i know it's for my own good too....

"...i will never be able to look myself in the mirror at the end of the day and tell myself that i've done my best when i know very well that what i percieved to be the best is not enough...." -Mat-

my DROP-DEAD gorgeous Zen neeon!!!

i'm so bloody happy and i'm totally over-the-moon now cos i just got my zen neeon today!!! yay~~~this is my first mp3 player apart from my sis' ipod shuffle....but guess what? mine can shuffle too lor.....wahahaha this is gonna make her so jealous...the look on her face was like green when she got into the car..haha but fret not sis, i lend it to you if u ever ask...hehe finally the 'long' wait is over...or so it seems....hahaha. i've been buggin my dad for one since i saw it in CLEO....

oOoOoo~~~ it's so slick, groovy, pretty...whatever u call it man.... i chose a bronze one cos it's quite close to brown (one of my fav color)....i actually wanted red but it looked like orange more...the bright colors are nice too but i think i prefered darker ones...i totally dig it man!!!

and it's not as if i can get if i asked for one....it's plainly a birthday gift from my parents....kinda like a *hint* too....like i'll have to drown myself in my stacks of notes for the next half of my holidays to make my results look presentable....ok! for that, (and for the benefit of the society....uh, ok, not exactly tt....more like for myself).....i will walk tt extra mile!!!!!!

i'm not gonna promise anyone that....cos i'm gonna do it and i will!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! jiayou!!!!!!!!