yay~ it's just another enjoyable day cos' huihua came over and brought me lotsa prezzies.....hmmm, not a lot actually but it's still enough to fill my contentment..wahaha.. she uploaded her pics and told me quite a lot of "interesting" stories from her trip though i could actually speculate the details....
and yep, i showed her my Zen Neeon....and she said she's gonna get one too..maybe purple or something...whichever it is....it still rawks!!!
oh! another thing i have to add...huihua just helped me to prank call ZJ!!!! OMG, i was so close to passing out but at the same time was oh-so exhilerated the moment i heard his voice...for a second i thought it was really him, but then again he sounded much more 'ang moh', so i was quite suspicious....(the thing is i haven't actually heard his voice for more than 3 yrs...) well anyways, she called again cos i wanted so badly to reassure myself hat it was him....then it happened again! i got pretty hysterical and couldn't really contain my excitement...for the first time since i don't know when, i felt such a great adrenalin rush........and then it was over...........
it's hard to imagine how a few seconds can really make my day.....this is,essentially something which i can never ever bring myself to do...to even call him and say hi or whatever.....it will probably kill me to even speak a word to him. there's just this layer of "vacuum" in between us that will never seem to disappear...or mayeb it's just me...i know my problem but it's hard to change. i am not afraid to overtly proclaim that i still do have strong feelings for him but when it comes to letting him know....it's like never gonna happen....i'm that ironic....
okay, now about the more pressing issues----i've been doing some deep thinking on my current state....i'm not really stagnant in my revisions but more like progressing in a retarding rate....and i really don't know what i can do about it man....it's like everytime i thought i was so geared-up and all ready to bury myself in notes, i screwed up....i kept walking around the house, get distracted by the people walking around me...i was even close to boring myself to sleep when i stared at the notes for too long...the worst thing is, i couldn't help it at all......~sigh~ my mid yr's coming and i've never felt this troubled before...it reminded me of the times when i was preparing for my O's....in fact, i think i wasn't even as clear-sighted than i was before...though i really think i'm under much duress for producing good grades (thanks to my parents, of cos), i know it's for my own good too....
"...i will never be able to look myself in the mirror at the end of the day and tell myself that i've done my best when i know very well that what i percieved to be the best is not enough...." -Mat-
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