You think my mom is soft spoken? yes she is. but when she starts screaming the whole ceiling can come crumbling down.
For Goodness' sake i'm already 21. why the fuck must she keep screaming at me. as you can see, i'm farking pissed. it's like my whole stomach is filled with anguish instead of food. i'm so hungry now but i have absolutely zero appetite thanks to her.
It's like even if it's PMS i think it doubles with age. She has issues...HUMONGOUS ones. i'm not being rude you know. maybe you all don't know, but this has been going on for some time, just that i never say. some things i just don't wana bring up and make it seem like i'm a super unfilial daughter or something.
and i know i always say no matter what we only have one pair of parents so we gotta respect them. BUT, sometimes i think if she continues to be so demanding and easily ticked-off by little things she'll start to lose all the respect from me.
you wana know what she screamed at me for?!
First, i was already preparing to cook spagetti for my sister and i cus my maid's off. my mom's going out to eat with my dad. and BY THE WAY, my sister just sprained her leg but it's NOT SERIOUS AT ALL. she still walks, stands and move around FINE. so when i was preparing the stuff i just told my mom that later eat already fefe must wash the plates herself. So she gt angry and scolded me saying why can't i just wash everything. she ask me "will die is it". obviously won't die....but i just answered something like "she's also not crippled" in a very monotonous tone.
That's when all the screaming started. she said i was mean and "hei xing" for saying that about my sister [when obviously i said she is NOT crippled] okay lah, maybe that isn't the best award-winning line ever, but why make such a huge fusS???!?!?!? then she continued shouting and screaming in the kitchen until all the neighbours can hear about how what an uncaring, horrible, insentive, lazy, petty, calculative person i am.
*sigh* you tell me which idiot hear already will 'SHUANG' right??? i didn't expect fefe to wash EVERYTHING you know. and although i may sound a bit mean when i say she's not crippled but there's some truth in it what. like what the fuck, of cus i can help you but like you all don't know how spoilt she is. i can't help but feel that she's siding her big time lor. So what? she has homework i don't have?! she has to do revisions i don't have?! she's has to go to school but i'm a good-for-nothing lah?! how much time and effort does it take to wash your own plates? i really don't wana go there but she force me to think this way lor.
the worse is i CANNOT answer back at all okay, i must let her scold until she SHUANG then can. if i answer back it'll be equivalent of me being a CRIMINAL. even if i was right, even if i have my principles...everything reduces to ZERO in her perception. i just CANNOT say anything. i think you all can understand how frustrating that is.
Honestly, why can't she just talk nicely? Just because i respect her i'm supposed to shut up and let her scream everytime it happens and make it seem like i'm totally in the wrong??! This is like how frustrating you know??
So if i continue to take allowance from her i have to succumb to all that crap lah?? is this what you call FAIRNESS?? if it is then okay, i have nothing to say...it's part of it anyways, right? damn. i'm fuming now i can feel smoke coming out from my head. Now that i'm taking a sociology module on emotions i can totally explain this using the capitalist model; people with greater economic power controls you and your emotions cease to be of importance. i can so see this picture big and clear before me.
it's like if she can just calm herself and think for a sec, not everything i say is as offending as she sees them as. and i'm not even asking her to do the impossible of taking into consideration how i feel - because i know for sure that'll never happen. there's only room for what SHE thinks is right and all else will be filtered out as imprudence.
i cannot fucking imagine when she really has menopause. i'm going stay outta her way as much as possible man. she's so hard to please, so easily provoked. this really spoils my mood big time. and even if i am wrong, i'm not a kid anymore. shouting don't work for me. maybe if she starts treating me like an adult we can all save ourselves from these shit we're going through.
i still love you mummy; but you're pushing me away
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