i can still remember..

the moment i set my eyes on the school, i dread the imagination of myself stepping into it everyday of the 3 yrs i've got to spend there. the picture painted was ugly and stale. the colors inverted, and nothing seem pretty. the very first words which struck my mind were "2nd class", "yucks", "my god" and "shit".

the million dollar question: "why didn't i work harder for my math"?

the extent of resentment was far beyond words....i mean, who will ever want to go through this kinda fate? seperated from all your friends, reduced to a position where no one in particular ever thought of as an option, an abrupt, yet regretful end to all the camaradrie built within 4 yrs.....[you did have best friends, but everyone's moving on] your best friends have a life too, a new life, in a new and credible school. you? "of cus, we're still best of friends"- those whom only meet up a few times each yr...the "u take good care yah?" kind....till this point, my heart has already sank to the bottom.

and at the other end of the red spat, there's poor ol' me, who struggles to make the best, [not best, but at least, livable] days outta this sticky situation. i'm totally stuck, either way, there's no turning back. everytime people enquire about my school and studies, it's like an insult. though very often i merely laughed it off and made jokes out of it, somehow, many a times, i felt like crying out loud. i hate to acknowledge the fact that i'm left-out.

i've met new friends, some of them are still close to me now and will still be in yrs to come. those were the ones whom i went thru thick and thin with... how we mugged the afternoons away, how we hogged the printing room with the prelim papers, how we bugged teachers for more tutorials on our own free will....we ran and panted and ran again every monday for the past 3 yrs.....cursing at the pe teachers and their 'inhuman' antics...[and yet we thank them for our fitness] to think about it now, we actually missed those torture sessions...]

for now, i'm comfortable with where i am and my own achievements. it seems most appropriate at this point, for me to pen a note of thanks to the school for all the success i've yielded. i'm so sorry, i couldn't find anything nice to say. i'd probably write something that reads " thanks for providing me with such a lousy environment which forced me to adopt harsh methods of survival". crude but at least it's something some of us can relate to. there are minimal number of teachers who are truly dedicated in their teaching and a huge part of it makes up the students' own efforts. but i gotta say this, even if we were spoon fed, some students are like spoilt brats who refused to open their mouths. thus, they don't get no where...

maybe this sounds like "chronicles of a sore-loser"...and it's like i'm bragging about how great i am...the thing is, i believe i have the right to say this as a form of consolation after spending 3 yrs in a place i dread returning to. for now, i can firmly assure myself " it's ok, no one's gonna look down on me anymore, i'm where i'm supposed to be. i deserve every bit of it." though the almost predictable kinda answer still resound in my head whenever i was asked about my school, i've finally shaken off the "tag"....at long last. no one's gonna go "huh?....oh...ok...." when i mention my school name from now on.

it doesn't matter where you came from...ultimately it is the product that matters. even JC students who are seemingly 'made' for universities, don't get into any... the ultimate prestige is to be accepted by the varsities....the most concrete prove of one's credibility... you think the uniform you wear is cool...you think sports is your life, you think revisions can wait, and sadly, you think the grasses in school are green....take a look at those in kent ridge and nanyang crescent...then think again.